The Peanut Diaries: School and Social Occasions

“When your child is really young, we, as parents, have almost total control over what and when our children eat (save for those times they find a particularly juicy-looking leftover sweet on the playground floor). It’s a slow process and doesn’t happen all at once, but as they get older, that level of total control slowly diminishes.

The first step on this journey is usually starting nursery. For us, this didn’t pose a problem as our nursery is nut free and kids aren’t allowed to bring their own foods. I guess this is the case for most day care settings too.

Next up were kid’s parties. When they’re pre-schoolers, this also didn’t pose much trouble as you’re always there with them and can stand over them as they gouge themselves on cake, sweets, biscuits and crisps and completely ignore the token carrot and cucumber sticks. Aside from having to check with the organisers that the cake is nut free, for us, this usually didn’t cause much trouble.

Even as they start school, our experience has still been relatively stress-free because our school is a nut free school. We do have to make sure that every setting has a stack of epi pens, and that they’re in date. But we’re not the only ones – the school staff are trained in their use and this has lightened the mental load for us.

The first major roadblock for us has been the next stage in our son’s blossoming social life, which is the times when he is eating meals without us. This could be a sleepover, just staying at a friend’s house for dinner, or being taken along with a friend’s family for a day trip. For us, this is proving to be a major hurdle. We worry that other parents will check what he’s being fed with the same diligence as us, or that they feel confident using an epi pen and know when to use it should the worst happen, or even that they will have a momentary lapse and hand him a Snickers.

For us, we are still choosing not to put our son in that situation because the dilemma isn’t just practical, it also feels ethical. Given the risk, we just don’t think it’s fair that the other parents should have to shoulder the obligation to ensure his safety in this way. So, the result is that he just doesn’t get to go.

The impact of this is heartbreaking. He is only 5 and he is already missing out on social occasions and opportunities to build friendships. I can only see this becoming more acute and impactful as he gets older.

I think this is the biggest way that oral immunotherapy can help. If he was able to tolerate a peanut without a reaction, I think this burden would be lifted, and the impact on his daily life and social opportunities would be immense.”